Sunday, July 1, 2012

Cockatoo Imagines Herself a Jellyfish to Escape Job-Search Anxiety

I am a jellyfish. I spend my life floating around under the sea. I am stringy and slimy, yet graceful. 
My life as a jellyfish will be solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short. My only hope is that global warming just keeps getting worse. That would actually be really good for me. When things get out-a-whack, I find many-a-snack. 

The worst thing about being a jellyfish is not having a brain. (I feel so Scarecrow from Wizard of Oz saying that!) I actually don't have a brain, though, which really doesn't make life any easier. 

I know you think I'm lying, but look at a jellyfish. Do you see a brain in there? Didn't think so. Just a bunch of jelly. Why would I even lie to you?

And see, that's another thing. Nobody trusts us. Everybody thinks we're jerks and we're just gonna automatically sting them because we're jellyfish. 

Come on .... we're not all jerks. Maybe some of us. But not all of us. And those of us who stung you? We were probably just confused. After all, we don't have brains, remember? 

It's not like eating humans is our thing, anyway. We probably thought you were a rotting piece of whale meat or something. You pretty much look the same under water.

Truth is, most of us are pretty cool. And deep down, we're all just big-ol' bags-a-goo. You just have to give us a chance and get to know us. 

Something else that sucks about being a jellyfish is that sometimes our tentacles get knotted up and we end up stinging ourselves. 

Luckily, my tentacles are perfectly in order at the moment, so I'm floating away now...

Cockatoo Has to Get a Job

Where is a razor and a total lack of compassion for your friends and family who would be devastated by your self-annihilation when you need it?